He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
