why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
