another moral hangover. fuck.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
