she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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