I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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