Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
