I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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