Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
