dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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