What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
