i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
