Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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