in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
