my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
