Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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