Ambien. No doubt about it.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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