well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
