he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
