You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
