We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
