You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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