Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
