Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
