i think my mom watched the whole time
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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