Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
