You're completely useless in the revolution.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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