Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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