if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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