I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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