I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
