Soap is not a condiment
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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