nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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