i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
