Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
