well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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