pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
