I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
