Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
