3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
