So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
