I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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