She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
