You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
