I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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