now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
high people should be assigned attendants
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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