Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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