pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
