I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
