Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
