The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I die, sorry about rent.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
