Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
