I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
