Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
