so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
